


The Case of the Crazy Buttocks

by lasairfhiona



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Community: 1_million_words, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 12:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6520468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lasairfhiona/pseuds/lasairfhiona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was given with goal to use <i>Living with Crazy Buttocks</i> as inspiration for a story.  Challenge accepted...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Case of the Crazy Buttocks

When you work with someone you’re half in love with but he’s totally straight, it can be a living hell. In order words, welcome to Phil Coulson’s life. He and Clint had been friends since Barton first came to SHIELD. They worked together and they actually hung out together in whatever off time they had. He’d even been best man at Clint’s marriage to Bobbie Morse, and was there when their marriage failed and the divorce was finalized. In other words, he’d been with Clint through most of the major milestones in the archer’s life since coming to SHIELD. And the same can be said for Clint in his life; the archer had been particularly understanding and supportive when his long term relationship with Andrew ended. 

But all that aside, he had a secret he’d kept hidden. It had started out as simple attraction, how could anyone not be attracted to Clint Barton, he oozed sex appeal in his tight jeans and even tighter tac suits. If you got past the hands with sinfully long fingers and the arms that made you want to be wrapped up in them and never leave, it was Clint’s ass that sealed the deal. And Clint being Clint, he showed it off. Every chance he got. He’d lean a hip against the desk, showing off the tantalizing curves. There as a county song that always come to mind, “I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave”, when he’d watch Clint walk, or more like swagger away, ass swaying with every step. 

It never failed, just when he thought he had his attraction under control, Clint would come in and strike some outrageous pose that showed off just how tight his backside was and then disappear again. Only to leave him feeling like a teenaged girl with an enormous crush and a hard on that made him glad for the suits he wore that covered just how much Clint’s antics affected him. 

It wasn’t until Melinda May dropped into his guest chair, that he realized he might not be the only one effected by Clint Barton. “How do you deal with it?”

“Deal with?” he asked, unsure what Melinda was asking.

“Barton and his crazy buttocks.”

Almost spitting his coffee across the table, Phil repeated, “Crazy buttocks?”

“Yes crazy buttocks. You know Clint and the way he’s always showing off his ass, between the tight jeans and the wiggling hips. I think every woman in the building is in lust with him and half the men.”

Melinda knew him, and had known him for years so she knew most of his deep dark secrets or most of them. he wasn’t sure if she’d figured out that the attraction he had for Clint had turned to love a long time ago after their friendship was sealed. “The men just envy his effect on women,” he said blandly.

“But not you.”

“Not me what?”

“Don’t be obtuse. I know you’re in love with him.”

Phil sighed. Not wanting to know what gave him away.

“What I haven’t figured out is how you haven’t pushed him against a wall and had your wicked way with that tight ass.”  
This time he did spit his coffee across the papers on his desk, when he heard Barton ask from where he was standing in the open doorway, “Whose tight ass are you going to have your wicked way with?”

“That’s my clue to leave.”

“Melinda,” he said half in despair at her departure and half in warning for fear she’d say something he wasn’t prepared for her to say. He watched her stand and head toward the door, giving her a dismissive wave as she called out, “See you later, Phil. Barton.”

“What’s going on with May?”

Phil shook his head at Clint’s question and motioned toward the chair Melinda had just abandoned and just shrugged when the archer perched on the arm of the chair. “Nothing. She’s just putting her nose where it doesn’t belong,” he answered aware that he could be opening himself up for more questions.

“So new boyfriend?”

Phil shook his head, “No,” he answered. He wasn’t sure how to take the tone of Clint’s voice when he asked if there was a new boyfriend and he doubly wasn’t sure how to take what he thought was a look of relief when he said no.

“Good.”

“Good? Why good?” Phil asked

“Because…”

He was becoming exasperated by Clint’s word games, but he’d let it play on a little while longer just to see where the archer was going with it. “Because why?” 

“Because this…”

Phil watched as Clint stood and walked around his desk and slowly leaned over him, undoubtedly giving him time to back out, before pressing their lips together. He didn’t give the archer much of a chance to back away after the brief chaste kiss. Wrapping his hand around the back of Clint’s neck he held the archer in place for a much longer, less chaste kiss. One that he’d been wanting to give Clint for far too many years to count. Clint didn’t go far when they parted lips, in fact he simply leaned his forehead against his.

“So I guess that was okay?”

Phil chucked. “I’ve wanted to do that for years,” he admitted, shifting just enough to give Clint another quick kiss. 

“Why didn’t you then?”

“Because I thought you were straight.”

“And all my teasing? The effort I put into making you look at my ass was all for naught?”

“Oh I noticed your moves. Still thought you were straight.”

“And now?”

Phil just smiled and pulled Clint closer, claiming his mouth by way of answering and when he pulled back he just looked at his soon to be lover and informed him. “No more crazy buttocks.”

“Only for you from now on.”

“As it should be,” Phil declared as he pushed Clint back far enough so he could stand. “Now. Let’s go home.”


End file.
